Good Company

I got some really good feedback on my last post (thanks everyone!) and it made me realize that I left out one super important fact.  For all of you who were, are, or ever will be dealing with mental health issues (so roughly billions of people), you are not alone.  Everyone goes through stuff.  Everyone. Everyone has their own story.  I don't mean to diminish your struggles.  I just want you to know that, should you ever find yourself in a dark place, you CAN talk to people about it.  I guarantee that whomever you chose to talk to has felt the same way at some point.  They will not diminish you or look down on you because they are you.

When I was younger I went to school with 4 girls who were all BFF's. I called them the Perfect 4. Perfect hair, perfect smiles, perfect GPA's, perfect families, perfect futures to look forward to at the perfect colleges.  Just completely and disgustingly perfect.  I'll admit I avoided them like the plague because I could never live up to their perfect brand of perfection.  I didn't want to be the bad guy for hating them, so I convinced myself that it was them that hated me. I was homely with an average GPA and a very lower middle class family.  I didn't have tons of friends.  I wasn't extraordinary in any way.  They must have thought I was beneath them, right?

I was wrong (duh).  Each member of the Perfect 4 had their own shit that they were dealing with.  I won't go into details because those aren't my stories to tell.  Just know that they were each lugging around their own baggage.  I don't know if they talked about it amongst themselves, but I have a feeling they didn't.  I know I didn't discuss my depression and anxiety with any of my friends (except for maybe Amy but that's because, as my BFF, she was technically just an extension of me and not a separate human being).

High school is rough, folks.  At my last reunion I asked people the age old question, If you could go back and do high school again, would you?  The answer is a resounding NO.  No from the band nerds, no from the drama geeks, no from the athletes, no from the cheerleaders.  Just no.  No one wants to go through high school again.  You live with your parents, you probably don't have a car, you have no money, and you have little to no say in what happens in your life.  Worst of all, wear the wrong jeans or shirt just once or get caught talking to someone not within your feudal circle and life as you know it is over.

As teenagers we like to think that our parents are clueless and have absolutely no idea what high school is like today.  It's so cute that teenagers think that way.  It's even more adorable that every generation of teenagers has felt this way since the dawn of high school, and that each generation thinks that things are different for them.  I'll admit that my parents didn't have Facebook or Instagram, but that just meant they had less opportunity to embarrass themselves publicly, thus rendering themselves social pariahs.

While I do believe that individuals can change, I do not think that the human condition will.  In high school everyone is pretending to be okay and just trying not to stand out.  Except the nerds.  This is one area where the nerds have it up on everyone else.  They already know that they are permanent outcasts so they are free to live their teen years however they choose.  They don't have a stake in the game.  Except the clueless nerds like me that thought they might have a chance of being upgraded from a life on the D list.  Silly, silly me...

Here's a little secret that might help.  You can pretty much bank on the fact that every person in your school feels just like you.  All of you are tiptoeing the line between 'healthy, happy emotional state' and 'Oh God!  Kelsie just frowned at me.  What does that mean???  Am I wearing the wrong color today?  It is pink day, right?  Am I out?  I'm going to have to change schools!  Aaarrrggghhh!  What does that look mean???'  Calm now.  Kelsie didn't even notice you.  She's just eating lunch.  Her mom packed her a tuna salad sandwich and she hates tuna salad.  Or maybe she just has resting bitch face.  Regardless, IT ISN'T ALWAYS ABOUT YOU.

Whew.  Felt good to get that off my chest.  I don't know how my parents survived having 2 teenage daughters in high school at the same time without killing us.

But back to my original point. You are not alone.  You all feel anxious and insecure and just generally 'less than'.  All of you.  Even Kelsie.  But you teens, and the teens from my day (Go Rams!  C/O '97!), and all the ghosts of High School Past have felt the same insecurities.  No one talks about it because everyone believes that talking about it will cause people to look down on you or belittle you.  It's really a shame, because that's not true at all.  Maybe if I had talked to the Perfect 4 all those years ago I would have figured that out.

Sadly, us grown-ups carry those same insecurities around with us long after graduation.  The great irony of mental illness is that people hold it inside  and refuse to talk about it without ever realizing that all those people they are afraid of are holding in the same secret.  It's not like a heroin addiction or a felony conviction (not looking down on either of them; just needed an example).  This is a universal condition.  It doesn't take anything away from you.  It doesn't limit what you can accomplish.  The only way mental health issues will limit you is if you don't get help. It's exhausting.  Please.  I'm begging you.  Ask for help.  From a friend, from family, from a professional.  You aren't alone so don't feel like you have to go through it alone.  You owe it to the world to put the luggage down and go out there and show us what you've got.

A Hard Day's Night

I'm not 100% sure how this hedgehog will tie into this post.  I haven't really planned out what I'm about to say.  I'm just going to wing it and hope I reach a semi-plausible and uplifting conclusion.  But, come on, isn't your day already better looking at that adorable face?  If not, well I just can't help you.  You need more professional help than I am licensed to provide.

I've fallen on some tough times recently.  I tore the cornea in my eye (not just scratched, actually tore; as in needed corrective surgery to put it back together) which is excruciatingly painful.  It's pretty hard to look at a computer screen (which just goes to show how dedicated I am to my small handful of followers).  All of my immediate family members have also suffered their own tragedies and challenges recently, but their stories aren't mine to tell.  Just know that the Pirrone family can use all the prayers it can get.

We all fall on tough times.  Some days feel more dire than others.  In those times it can seem impossible to see a way out of the jungle through the tangle of trees and vines.  Life is hard.  It's overwhelming.  But we can't just quit.  We can't allow ourselves to be defeated.  We all have our own coping mechanisms to deal with it.  For those Christians out there I point you towards several verses that have helped me.  

Psalms 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Romans 8:37 "No, in all things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."  

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." (There.  I managed to tie in the hedgehog. Good for me.)

For those of you who do not subscribe to Christian dogma, this is where friends come in.  When I found out I had cancer I was terrified and felt completely lost.  I still have no idea what my doctor said after she gave me the diagnosis.  Once you hear the word "cancer" everything else fades out and it becomes you and this disease and nothing else.  I learned very quickly, though, that I was not alone. That I had dozens of people there to support me and help me fight the good fight.  Sometimes that meant hugs and tears but sometimes it just meant getting me out for ice cream and a movie (Thanks, Tiff. You're the best.)  Sometimes we simply need to humble ourselves and ask for help.  Often that is the hardest thing, but the most necessary, that we can do.

Why, then, is it so dang hard for me to ask for help?  Not just for me, but for everyone.  Maybe because when you're in the midst of something, your heart is burdened and you don't want to pass that burden on to others.  It's all about pride.  So I'm going to say this, and I'm saying it to myself as much as to all of you.  Get over yourself.  Your friends aren't just there for the crazy dance-all-night, one-tequila-too-many, whose-pants-are-these times. Not the good ones, at least.  The good ones are there for both the ebbs and the flows.  They are there to hold your hand when you are lost and your heart when you are broken.  When you take that away from them it's as if you're saying you don't trust them with your well being.

My best friend lives 200 miles away from me.  That's almost as painful as a torn cornea (almost; a torn cornea is pretty bad) but I know that I can call and cry for an hour and she'll be there.  I am safe with her.  Where she is, I am home.  But it only works when I ask.  

So, please, ask for help.  Don't give in to the weight of the world.  Challenge yourself, but ask for help along the way.  No one knows how to do anything perfectly the first time around.  Don't expect to change the world today.  Just expect to change YOUR world today.  Do that, and you'll accomplish more than you ever imagined.  Even Mr. Hedgehog agrees.