Hallway Gossip

This was my best friend from 1st grade right up till about 11th grade on the night of our junior prom.  We were inseparable for over a decade.  We never made any decisions without consulting the other person first.  There wasn't anything we wouldn't do for each other.  Then she started dating guys that I didn't really approve of and things went down hill.  We tried to rekindle things after high school. We got even got an apartment together.  But then she did a series of things that betrayed me and my trust and we went separate ways.  I haven't spoken to her in 16 years

Girls see trust a lot differently than guys do.  Guys live by 'bro-code'.  It's actually rather simple.  It states that your boys must always come before any girl and that you should never take the last beer, even if you were the one that brought said beer.  That's about it.

Girls are a completely different animal.  We have our own 'girl-code' but it's slightly more complicated.  If it were put on paper, girl-code would resemble an engineering schematic or the org chart for a multi-national firm.  There's a lot of 'If-Then' situations.  Sometimes it feels like one of those 'Choose Your Own Adventure' books.  Just like the books, sometimes you reach the Crystal Palace safely, but sometimes you get eaten by a dragon.  It's just how girl code works.  Even us girls don't understand it all the time.  That's why we talk so much.  We're trying to navigate haunted forests and mine fields together.

Girls, on average, tend to trust people implicitly.  The downside is, once that trust is broken, it's typically lost forever.  I went through a situation long ago in a previous job where something bad was said about me at work and multiple "friends" came forward to tell me who the specific "friend" was that had made the offensive comment.  All of a sudden I was working on the set of Dynasty (metaphorically speaking) with a lot of bitching and back-biting going on around me.  In the end I found out the truth, but by then I had lost trust in everyone.  I didn't believe a single thing any of my coworkers said to me.  A mentor once told me to never get my hugs at work, and she was right, but you have to be able to have some basic level of trust with the people in your work environment.  Without trust there's no collaboration.  Without collaboration you become no better than Congress.

I no longer work for that company, but the ripples of the betrayal I felt then still resonate throughout my brain.  I constantly wonder what people think of me both personally and professionally.  No matter how hard I work, I fear performance appraisals.  I feel like people misunderstand me and judge me harshly because of it.  And don't even get me started about the words "we need to talk."

I guess the moral here is simply to say what you mean and mean what you say.  Be direct.  If you have an issue with someone, don't talk about it with anyone else until you talk to that person first.  And for God's sake, if someone says something bad about another person to you, keep your ass out of it.  You aren't in high school anymore, so don't act like you are.  Encourage them to talk to the person directly.  Be Switzerland.  If you don't, whether you intend it or not, you become part of the problem and your friend or colleague will never be your friend or colleague ever again.  They will lose any trust or respect that they once had for you.  You could unwittingly damage the psyche of a person you actually care about.  It's not worth it.  Respect your self, and your friends, enough to be worthy of trust.  Do that, and life will become much less of a mine field.

A Hard Day's Night

I'm not 100% sure how this hedgehog will tie into this post.  I haven't really planned out what I'm about to say.  I'm just going to wing it and hope I reach a semi-plausible and uplifting conclusion.  But, come on, isn't your day already better looking at that adorable face?  If not, well I just can't help you.  You need more professional help than I am licensed to provide.

I've fallen on some tough times recently.  I tore the cornea in my eye (not just scratched, actually tore; as in needed corrective surgery to put it back together) which is excruciatingly painful.  It's pretty hard to look at a computer screen (which just goes to show how dedicated I am to my small handful of followers).  All of my immediate family members have also suffered their own tragedies and challenges recently, but their stories aren't mine to tell.  Just know that the Pirrone family can use all the prayers it can get.

We all fall on tough times.  Some days feel more dire than others.  In those times it can seem impossible to see a way out of the jungle through the tangle of trees and vines.  Life is hard.  It's overwhelming.  But we can't just quit.  We can't allow ourselves to be defeated.  We all have our own coping mechanisms to deal with it.  For those Christians out there I point you towards several verses that have helped me.  

Psalms 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Romans 8:37 "No, in all things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."  

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." (There.  I managed to tie in the hedgehog. Good for me.)

For those of you who do not subscribe to Christian dogma, this is where friends come in.  When I found out I had cancer I was terrified and felt completely lost.  I still have no idea what my doctor said after she gave me the diagnosis.  Once you hear the word "cancer" everything else fades out and it becomes you and this disease and nothing else.  I learned very quickly, though, that I was not alone. That I had dozens of people there to support me and help me fight the good fight.  Sometimes that meant hugs and tears but sometimes it just meant getting me out for ice cream and a movie (Thanks, Tiff. You're the best.)  Sometimes we simply need to humble ourselves and ask for help.  Often that is the hardest thing, but the most necessary, that we can do.

Why, then, is it so dang hard for me to ask for help?  Not just for me, but for everyone.  Maybe because when you're in the midst of something, your heart is burdened and you don't want to pass that burden on to others.  It's all about pride.  So I'm going to say this, and I'm saying it to myself as much as to all of you.  Get over yourself.  Your friends aren't just there for the crazy dance-all-night, one-tequila-too-many, whose-pants-are-these times. Not the good ones, at least.  The good ones are there for both the ebbs and the flows.  They are there to hold your hand when you are lost and your heart when you are broken.  When you take that away from them it's as if you're saying you don't trust them with your well being.

My best friend lives 200 miles away from me.  That's almost as painful as a torn cornea (almost; a torn cornea is pretty bad) but I know that I can call and cry for an hour and she'll be there.  I am safe with her.  Where she is, I am home.  But it only works when I ask.  

So, please, ask for help.  Don't give in to the weight of the world.  Challenge yourself, but ask for help along the way.  No one knows how to do anything perfectly the first time around.  Don't expect to change the world today.  Just expect to change YOUR world today.  Do that, and you'll accomplish more than you ever imagined.  Even Mr. Hedgehog agrees.