Rise

Greetings, friends.  I’ve had a funny memory rattling around in my head for the past several days.  I’ve been thinking about it so much that I’ve decided it must be God telling me to write about it.  Message received, God.

Once upon a time (about 6 or 7 years ago) my mother was very ill and I had to take her to the hospital.  Her knees had been damaged in several car accidents over her life so she had difficulty walking.  Because of this, the hospital put a bracelet on her that said “FALL RISK”.  She looked at me and said, “They should put one of these on you” to which I replied, “There’s a difference, Mom.  I can get back up.”

But my mom was right.  I should have a bracelet that says ‘FALL RISK.’  This is a pic I took while waiting at the hospital after I broke my wrist in May 2015:

I think that was my 13^th broken bone.  There have been several more since.  That’s why my nickname is “Accident” Pirrone.  At this point I should probably skip the bracelet and just get the words ‘fall risk’ tattooed on my forehead.

The thing about that brief exchange with my mom that keeps it in my mind is the punchline.  ‘I can get back up.’ That’s somewhat a metaphor for life, isn’t it?  I’ve been knocked down, but I always get back up.  That’s the key; not the fall, but the rise.  Victims are knocked down.  They become survivors when they get back up.  They may be bruised or have a few scars, but scars are not signs of defeat.  They are badges of honor; war trophies that proclaim to the world that we have survived. 

The painful truth is that the world WILL knock you down.  I don’t care if you are fat, Muslim, black, gay, a teen mom, a recovering addict or some other group; people will find something, some way that you are different, and they will beat you down until you fit into a little box with everyone else deemed ‘different’.  They will convince you that you have less worth.  Eventually you’ll start to believe that those labels are right and just.  You’ll start to see yourself in terms of that label.  That’s the fall.  It takes great effort and patience to see beyond the label.  You have to stop seeing these derogatory words as anything more than adjectives.  If you can do that, if you can start to see the offensive as mundane, then you can take the power out of the bully’s hands.  You reclaim yourself and your identity.  You get back up.

It sounds so simple, doesn’t it?  But it’s not simple.  Trust me, I know.  It’s almost the hardest thing we will ever have to do.  Even as we try to reject surface judgments, the world will continue to tell us those judgments are true.  And to a certain extent, they are true.  But they aren’t the whole story.  They aren’t what makes us who we are.  We choose that by what actions we take and how we live our lives.  Our inner selves are determined by what drives us, what we are passionate about, and what we are willing to take a stand for. 

We will each fall many times in our lives.  We will face prejudice.  We will be humiliated.  We will be ashamed.  We will be broken.  We will be lonely.  We will be scared.  It looks insurmountable.  It feels hopeless.  One could look at that list and ask why try?  To which I say, because those thing are all temporary.  Because there are greater things to come.  Yes, you will hurt.  But you’ll learn to toughen up.  You will stop listening to the maddening crowds.  You will stop looking up and saying ‘I can’t’ and start looking back and saying ‘I did.’  You will stop discounting yourself.  You will love and be loved.  And, when you’re ready, you will rise.

Us and Them

Greetings, friends.  I've been thinking a lot about prejudice today.  I realize that I spend a lot of time on here talking about the prejudice that I have experienced.  I don't apologize for that.  Social awareness is one of the reasons I created Life in the Fat Lane to begin with (that and the fact that it's really fun to say Life in the Fat Lane).  What I DO apologize for is coming across as some poor victim that the world has eviscerated and everyone should love me and feel sorry for me.  Screw that jazz.  I'm no victim.  I'm a survivor.  A victim wallows in their misery.  They rest in a pocket of despair and grief that has been carved out for them.  A survivor builds a rope ladder and climbs the heck out. Please understand, I'm not attacking those still trapped in the 'victim' stage.  Anyone who has ever suffered hardship starts off at that checkpoint.  It just takes some longer than others to move on.  Even those who HAVE made it past the 'victim' stage will occasionally backslide.  That's what happened to me yesterday.  I heard terrible jokes made at my expense and I backslid all the way back into my hole.  But I prayed about it and I sought help from others and I reminded myself that other people don't get to define me.  Only I get to do that.

Another thing I feel it's important to interject is that not all prejudice is inherently bad (go with me on this).  There have been times when I have found myself walking alone at night (which is a stupid thing to do and none of you should EVER do it). If I see a man coming towards me, I will probably cross the street or change directions.  Now, I KNOW that there's a 99% chance that the guy is an upstanding citizen and I'm just being a bitch, but I'm okay with that.  I'm thrilled every time I make it home without being raped and/or murdered.  I'm really sorry if it hurt your feelings strange, scary man, but I care a lot more about my feelings than I care about yours.  I think self-preservation is, at times, an acceptable reason to display prejudice. Now if I had yelled something like, 'Stay away, [insert racial slur]! I've got mace!" That would have turned it into a completely different situation.  But, as long as you quietly go about the business of not being raped and/or murdered, you get a pass.

Back to bad prejudice.  Yes, I have experienced a great deal of it.  But I'm sure I could be accused of doling it out as well.  I once made a comment that deeply offended a gay friend of mine.  Granted, I was 17 and incapable of controlling the words that came out of my mouth (heck I'm 37 now and I still can't) but that doesn't make it okay.  First off, you don't make jokes about the LGBTQ community. You just don't.  Period.  They've been persecuted enough.  They deserve safe zones where they can be themselves without being afraid or uncomfortable.  Second, this person was someone I loved as if they were family.  You don't do that shit to family.  Family deserves so much better. That was 19 years ago but I'm still ashamed about it. I don't think the other person even remembers this happening. I'm not sure. We lost touch in college.  If they DO remember and happen to be reading this, I am so very, truly sorry from the bottom of my heart.  Although I still feel shame, I'm somewhat grateful for that mistake. It makes me humble. It reminds me of what words can do. It stops me from saying things that might hurt the people I love.  At least most of the time.

Nonetheless, I'm human. And I make judgments of people based on stereotypes and gut feeling.  For example, my 8 year old nephew wants to play in the NFL when he grows up.  Now, I love my nephew very much. But he's a tall, rail thin, Irish kid from the 'burbs.  It's very hard to tell that adorable, pasty, freckled face that he hasn't suffered enough adversity to make it to the NFL, if you know what I mean. Instead I just tell him that he'll be a great astronaut some day.  Let his mom teach him about racism.

As far as I know I haven't been overtly prejudiced against anyone. I try not to be. I firmly support both Black Lives Matter as well as Blue Lives Matter (I don't understand why people think you have to pick a side). I'm not blind to the fact that I benefit from white privilege, but I try not to go out of my way to milk it for all it's worth (I figure my boobs will gain me more favor than my pasty skin).  I firmly believe that women should be included in the military draft and should be able to serve their country in whatever capacity they desire.  As for my nephew...well...I'm buying that kid an astronomy book.