Love Thy Neighbor

Happy Birthday, Mom. We miss you.

Writer's note: I know the word 'president' is supposed to be capitalized, but I don't care.  I'll start capitalizing it when I start respecting him as a commander in chief.

If you haven't noticed, I tend to be very passionate when it comes to politics.  What our new president is doing disgusts me.  But what disgusts me even more than the president himself are the people that support our president and his hateful rhetoric and mandates.  The racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic bigots in this country disgust me and confound me.

Until I took a step back.

The woman pictured above is my mother.  She passed away 6 years ago.  Today would have been her 74th birthday.  I've been thinking about her a lot today (as should I) and I've come to a realization.  My mother would have been one of those bigots that I so frequently rail against. She was a Bible-thumping, conservative Republican through and through.  I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating; My mom grew up on a farm in rural West Virginia that instilled in her a predilection towards subtle racism.  She never even met a person of color until she moved to Florida for a brief time in the early 1960's.

My mom once told me that I couldn't run for President because I'm a girl and girls can't be President.  She believed that Jews ran the media and that the blacks were given too many handouts by the government.   She had black friends, but those individuals were exceptions to her finite rules on the races.  I wasn't allowed to date anyone of color.  I wasn't allowed to go to a friend's bat mitzvah (though my dad put his foot down on that one and took me so I could experience another culture).  Although she wasn't outwardly hostile to gays (her hairdresser was a gay man) she had plenty to say about them when it was just our family hanging out at home.

I don't know whether or not my mother was ever sexually assaulted, but I know she was physically and verbally assaulted by men all her life, starting with her father.  I'm almost positive that she would have written off the comments the president made to Billy Bush as 'boys being boys'.  She never knew that I had been assaulted so she would never understand how that line of thinking destroys a piece of my soul that I've spent years bandaging and healing.

I'm almost certain that my mother would have voted for our president and would stand by his hateful Executive Orders and plans for the future of this nation.

But that wasn't all there was to her.

She worked full-time while raising two children and still made sure to make dinner from scratch most nights of my life.  She won the church's Bake Off every year.  Everything she made was homemade.  Nothing came from a box.  She made her own noodles and dumplings.  She made her own pie crusts.  She made her own minced meat, though I fail to see how anyone can accept meat as a desert.  She never used recipes.  She kept them all in her head.  She was a firm believer in fat and sugar and everything she made was delicious.  Maybe that's why I'm fat.  One more thing to blame on my mother.

My mom loved Halloween.  I think she loved it more than Christmas.  We were too poor for store-bought costumes so my mom made costumes from things around the house.  She was incredibly creative.  One year she painted the box an appliance had come in, attached lids from various sized jars, and sent me out as a boombox.  But she didn't just dress me and my sister up.  Oh no.  She had to get in on the fun.  She worked on a military base and they had a costume contest every year up until 9/11.  Every year she entered the contest and every year she placed in the top three, but could never seem to win.  The last year she participated she decided to go big with something no one else would EVER think of.  She went as an outhouse.  Her friends helped attach poster board around her for the walls, she made a little triangle roof with a moon cut out of it and cob webs intertwined.  She attached pages of the Sears catalog as 'toilet paper'.  It truly reminded me of an outhouse from the early 1900's.  I was mortified when I saw it, but gosh darn it, that year she won.

She took care of us when we were sick.  When I was 3 I contracted Scarlet Fever. My temperature was 105. She held me day and night and sat in cold baths with me until my fever finally broke.  I once asked her how does a parent deal with that?  How does a parent hold their child, not knowing if that child would survive, and keep it together so calmly.  She told me that when you become a mom, you stop mattering.  The only thing that matters is that child and doing everything you can to protect them.  That was my mom.  She did everything that she could to protect me.

So...That's one of our president's supporters.  Heck, if the president is right about all this voter fraud, I'm sure my mom was the first to climb down from heaven to cast her vote for him.

Trump supporters may be racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic bigots.  But they are also mothers, fathers, daughters and sons doing what they feel is right in order to protect their loved ones, however misguided they might be.

I will still continue to take a stand.  I will wear my pussyhat and my safety pin.  I will write essays and speak out for what I believe in.  I will support women's rights and Muslim rights, and Black Lives Matter.  But I will never forget the things that my mom sacrificed in order to protect me and raise me.  And I will remember that my opponents are just doing the same.

Happy birthday, mom.  I love you.

The Fourth Reich

Not-my-president Donald Trump has selected several individuals for posts within his administration that stand behind the alt-right movement.  Let’s be honest, alt-right is nothing more than a sugar coated way of saying white supremacy.  Except this time it’s more loud and proud than it has been since Jim Crow was the law of the land.  Whether you believe that Trump is a racist or a white supremacist is inconsequential.  What I urge you to recognize is that, through his rhetoric and actions, Trump has made white supremacy okay again.  People finally feel comfortable publicly using hate speech.  I have to wonder how many people heard that he wants to ‘make America great again’ and DIDN’T realize he meant returning to the America that burned crosses on people’s lawns.

Someday our children and grandchildren will study this version of America and wonder how we allowed it to happen.  They’ll wonder why we stood by and watched as hordes of Mexicans were deported, Muslims were placed behind barbed wire in internment camps, and gays were beaten and killed to prevent them from polluting society with their fiendish predilections.  Future generations won’t understand how anyone could become so apathetic.  They will question, but we will not have answers.  At least not good ones.

Let me take you back a bit to help you understand.

It’s important to remember the state that Germany was in during the decades following WWI.  The country was decimated.  People were left homeless, jobless, and desperate.  Hitler came to power by promising the people good jobs and economic prosperity.  He was charismatic and touted a renewed sense of nationalism.  He made people feel hope that the Germany they loved could be restored to its former glory.  One could almost say he promised to ‘make Germany great again’.  The people were willing to believe anything he told them.  So when Hitler said that the depression was the Jews fault they shrugged and went along with it.  They allowed themselves to believe it was because of the dirty Jews that they were starving.  And Hitler didn’t just make promises.  He backed them up.  Within a relatively short period of time white Protestant German citizens found themselves in comfortable jobs with good homes, great schools, and plenty of food to go around.  So they ignored the camps with barbed wire.  They shrugged things off as their neighbors were relocated at gunpoint to ghettos.  They tuned out the whistles and clacking of trains headed for work camps.  They embraced it actually.  After all, the Jews brought it on themselves.  Dirty Jews.

In the spring of 1945 allied troops liberated work camps established by the Nazi regime.  They were horrified by what they saw.  They couldn’t believe the vast number of dead.  They were astonished that humans could be so sickly and emaciated but still living.  They didn’t understand how anyone could allow such horrific conditions to exist.  U.S. military leaders decided that there needed to be accountability amongst the people.  Nazi officers were already being arrested and held for committing war crimes, but the Americans also blamed the complacency of German citizens for allowing genocide.  By late May U.S. troops began gathering German civilians from all the towns surrounding Nazi camps and forced them to tour the decrepit camps.  G.I.’s stood guard as townspeople filed past mounds of bodies in various states of decay.  Women held handkerchiefs to their noses to block the pungent stench of death.  Some vomited.  Others fainted.  After the tour they asked the civilians how they could allow it to happen in their own backyards.  Most claimed ignorance.  They said they didn’t know; that they had been lied to.  The few brave enough to admit that they knew excused it by saying, “What could we do? We were afraid we’d be next.”  They were also ashamed to admit, even to themselves, that they were part of the machine that put Hitler into power in the first place.

Today we are dealing with an all-too-familiar scenario.  Our illustrious leader is calling for the rounding up of “undesirables” and punishing states that refuse to comply.  He whole-heartedly believes that torture absolutely works despite all his military advisers assuring him that it doesn’t. He wants a wall to separate the good, patriotic American public from the scum on the other side. 

Beyond that, our new leader has even attacked us, his constituents.  He has called for censorship of the sciences and eliminated the arts as being frivolous.  He decides what the media can report and rages when those reports are unflattering.  This is all part of establishing extreme nationalism and creating enemies for other white Christians to blame.

So.  How will we explain the next 4 years to generations to come?  How will we justify the degradation of anyone who isn’t a white, Christian, Anglo-Saxon male?  How will we justify our own hate crimes?  Will we say that we didn’t know; that we had been lied to?  Will we shrug and ask what could we have done?  These are very real questions that history will look back and ask us.  And as of yet I don’t have an answer.

The Trump Delusion

Okay kids, now that you've read the last post (and I'm sure you all did) and we're all up to speed with how we got to this concept of an Electoral College that ignores the will of the people, now we can get into how they're making a big f***ing mistake.  Let's take a look at the candidate the Electoral College has vowed to stand behind (even though there's no law saying that they have to.) and some of the things he has had to say.

"Crooked Hillary is not qualified!” Tweeted 13 July 2016

Really?  Hillary isn't qualified to hold a political office?  She's been an attorney, a Senator, she was even Secretary of State of Christ's sake.  What exactly makes you qualified to work in political office, Mr. Trump?  You do understand that the Presidency is all about serving the people and not yourself, right?

"You know, it really doesn’t matter what they write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass. But she’s got to be young and beautiful." Esquire Magazine May 1991

First, women aren’t possessions.  You don’t own them.  Second, I may not be old, my youth is certainly behind me.  I may not be conventionally beautiful, at least not by his standards, but I am an exceptionally beautiful woman.  I have more knowledge and more expertise than the average bimbo that he would hire.  You hire based on talent, sir.  Not on who looks best sucking your dick.

"You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever." Commenting on interviewer Megyn Kelly after a debate.

Are you so juvenile that you must chalk up any woman standing up to you as being on her ’rag’?  Grow up you petty, petty little boy.

“Donald J. Trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States. “ Statement released by the Trump campaign 7 Dec 2015

I’m looking into my crystal ball and all I see is Trump relocating all Muslims already living in America to internment camps just like FDR did to the Japanese.

"He's not a war hero. He was a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren't captured." July 2015 Commenting on Senator McCain’s reputation as a war hero.

Really?  You strut your patriotism like a preening peacock but fail to recognize the sacrifices thousands of veterans have made to make it possible for you to be such an ass?  How about we drop you off is Syria and see how you fair.  Would you become what you consider a war hero?  I think not.

"Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?!" Commenting on opponent Carly Fiorina

I don’t think I’ll ever be accused of supporting Carly and her own hate speech, but this isn’t a beauty contest. It isn’t Miss Universe.  It’s a Presidential campaign.  Looks have nothing to do with it (blatantly obvious since you won, after all).

"I dealt with Qaddafi. I rented him a piece of land. He paid me more for one night than the land was worth for two years, and then I didn't let him use the land. That's what we should be doing. I don't want to use the word 'screwed', but I screwed him. That's what we should be doing." Said during a phone interview with Fox and Friends March 2011

Yeah…That’s the PERFECT foreign policy to adopt.  That’ll really drum up allies.  Just wait till you f*** over Putin.  I bet he’ll be a little less forgiving.

 "There were people that were cheering on the other side of New Jersey, where you have large Arab populations," he told the crowd. "They were cheering as the World Trade Center came down.” Referring to Muslims cheering on 9/11

Here’s the problem with that statement.  Every news outlet across the globe was covering New York that day.  There were citizens with cell phone videos, spectators everywhere, journalists a plenty yet no one, NOT ONE SINGLE SOUL has any proof of this statement being true.  There is video footage, still frame photography, and witness statements that contradict Trump’s statement beyond a shadow of doubt.  Still, Julius Caesar stands by what he “saw”.

“I’ve said that if Ivanka weren't my daughter, perhaps I would be dating her." Commenting on how he would feel if his daughter posed for Playboy.

Can we just stop for a second and acknowledge that Ivanka is HIS DAUGHTER.  His child!  This is the caliber of person that many of you out there elected.

"Our great African-American President hasn't exactly had a positive impact on the thugs who are so happily and openly destroying Baltimore." Commenting on the Baltimore riots.

President Obama has made a few mistakes here and there, but I really don’t think we can blame him for the behavior of every one of his 300 million constituents.  How about we blame the officers that directly led to the death of Freddie Gray instead.

"I think apologizing's a great thing, but you have to be wrong. I will absolutely apologize, sometime in the hopefully distant future, if I'm ever wrong." During an interview with Jimmy Fallon Sep 2015

Wow.  Donald Trump has never been wrong.  Never.  Who knew we had Jesus walking amongst us?

"When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending the best. They're sending people that have lots of problems and they're bringing those problems. They're bringing drugs, they're bringing crime. They're rapists and some, I assume, are good people, but I speak to border guards and they're telling us what we're getting." June 2015 upon announcing his candidacy.

Enough with the immigrants!  He seriously believes that Mexicans are all criminals.  He believes it so deeply he asked a judge to step down from a lawsuit because the judge had Mexican heritage.  He wants to build a wall and actually expects to get Mexica to pay for it.  Forget cocaine.  This guy must be tripping on LSD.

 "I have a great relationship with the blacks. I've always had a great relationship with the blacks." April 2011

Can we all agree not to call them “the blacks”?  They are African Americans.  More importantly, they are people.  Start treating them that way.

"The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive." Tweeted 6 Nov 2012

95% of all scientists agree that 1. Global warming IS happening, and 2. Mankind is to blame.  But let’s not confuse the situation with facts.

"I love the poorly educated." Part of his Nevada caucus acceptance speech

I don’t think I really need to comment on that, do I?

Which brings us to the piece de resistance.  The Billy Bush tapes.

 "I don't even wait. And when you're a star, they let you do it, you can do anything ... grab them by the pussy."

Trump and his supporters have played this off as “locker room talk”.  I’ve been around a lot of ‘boys being boys’.  Yes, they like to brag about their conquests.  But they do NOT brag about sexual assault.  That’s what this was.  Plain and simple.  And if other boys DO talk like this and I just haven’t been around to hear it, then they should shut the fuck up, too.

Since the release of those tapes dozens of women have come out to share their stories of how Trump assaulted them.  Assault survivors across the country have suffered flashbacks and panic attacks about their own assaults after hearing those words.  I am one of them.

Do not tell us to “calm down”.  Do not tell us to “get over it”.  This is our reality.  We fear for our minority friends.  We fear for those of the LGBTQ society.  We fear for our national security.  We fear for our economy.  So no, we won’t “calm down”.  We will continue to fight.  This election may be over, but there are more to come.  And we will not back down.  We’ll be the greatest.  I promise you.

Brought to you compliments of a proud Nasty Woman.

Us and Them

Greetings, friends.  I've been thinking a lot about prejudice today.  I realize that I spend a lot of time on here talking about the prejudice that I have experienced.  I don't apologize for that.  Social awareness is one of the reasons I created Life in the Fat Lane to begin with (that and the fact that it's really fun to say Life in the Fat Lane).  What I DO apologize for is coming across as some poor victim that the world has eviscerated and everyone should love me and feel sorry for me.  Screw that jazz.  I'm no victim.  I'm a survivor.  A victim wallows in their misery.  They rest in a pocket of despair and grief that has been carved out for them.  A survivor builds a rope ladder and climbs the heck out. Please understand, I'm not attacking those still trapped in the 'victim' stage.  Anyone who has ever suffered hardship starts off at that checkpoint.  It just takes some longer than others to move on.  Even those who HAVE made it past the 'victim' stage will occasionally backslide.  That's what happened to me yesterday.  I heard terrible jokes made at my expense and I backslid all the way back into my hole.  But I prayed about it and I sought help from others and I reminded myself that other people don't get to define me.  Only I get to do that.

Another thing I feel it's important to interject is that not all prejudice is inherently bad (go with me on this).  There have been times when I have found myself walking alone at night (which is a stupid thing to do and none of you should EVER do it). If I see a man coming towards me, I will probably cross the street or change directions.  Now, I KNOW that there's a 99% chance that the guy is an upstanding citizen and I'm just being a bitch, but I'm okay with that.  I'm thrilled every time I make it home without being raped and/or murdered.  I'm really sorry if it hurt your feelings strange, scary man, but I care a lot more about my feelings than I care about yours.  I think self-preservation is, at times, an acceptable reason to display prejudice. Now if I had yelled something like, 'Stay away, [insert racial slur]! I've got mace!" That would have turned it into a completely different situation.  But, as long as you quietly go about the business of not being raped and/or murdered, you get a pass.

Back to bad prejudice.  Yes, I have experienced a great deal of it.  But I'm sure I could be accused of doling it out as well.  I once made a comment that deeply offended a gay friend of mine.  Granted, I was 17 and incapable of controlling the words that came out of my mouth (heck I'm 37 now and I still can't) but that doesn't make it okay.  First off, you don't make jokes about the LGBTQ community. You just don't.  Period.  They've been persecuted enough.  They deserve safe zones where they can be themselves without being afraid or uncomfortable.  Second, this person was someone I loved as if they were family.  You don't do that shit to family.  Family deserves so much better. That was 19 years ago but I'm still ashamed about it. I don't think the other person even remembers this happening. I'm not sure. We lost touch in college.  If they DO remember and happen to be reading this, I am so very, truly sorry from the bottom of my heart.  Although I still feel shame, I'm somewhat grateful for that mistake. It makes me humble. It reminds me of what words can do. It stops me from saying things that might hurt the people I love.  At least most of the time.

Nonetheless, I'm human. And I make judgments of people based on stereotypes and gut feeling.  For example, my 8 year old nephew wants to play in the NFL when he grows up.  Now, I love my nephew very much. But he's a tall, rail thin, Irish kid from the 'burbs.  It's very hard to tell that adorable, pasty, freckled face that he hasn't suffered enough adversity to make it to the NFL, if you know what I mean. Instead I just tell him that he'll be a great astronaut some day.  Let his mom teach him about racism.

As far as I know I haven't been overtly prejudiced against anyone. I try not to be. I firmly support both Black Lives Matter as well as Blue Lives Matter (I don't understand why people think you have to pick a side). I'm not blind to the fact that I benefit from white privilege, but I try not to go out of my way to milk it for all it's worth (I figure my boobs will gain me more favor than my pasty skin).  I firmly believe that women should be included in the military draft and should be able to serve their country in whatever capacity they desire.  As for my nephew...well...I'm buying that kid an astronomy book.