We Are Family

Pearl of Wisdom # 4

I've been thinking a lot about family lately.  I don't have a big family.  My mom passed away in 2011 and my dad has dementia so he doesn't always recognize me. I do have an older sister, but we find ourselves at odds way too much of the time.  That's all the family I have.  Both sets of grandparents have passed and my aunts, uncles, and cousins are spread out across the country.

That being said, I'm now going to impart some wisdom on you here that I think is of the utmost importance.  Blood does NOT create family.  Love creates family.  I'm not related to any of the people below by blood, but they are my family nonetheless.

The love a family (both by blood and choice) provides is so important because love is the cornerstone of our self-worth.  In his 1st letter to the Corinthians, Paul wrote, "And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."  (1 Corinthians 13:13, NIV).

I wouldn't be the person I am right now without my "family".  I don't think I could do this - write this blog, be open about my flaws and failures - if it weren't for them.  They build me up every day.  They tell me how beautiful I am on those days that I forget.  They hold my hand when I'm scared and my heart when I'm broken.  They've been there through all my seasons; the good, the bad, and the ugly.  They find joy in me.  Even when I feel like a shell or a fraud, they see the beauty that God created and endowed within me.

I encourage you to look around.  Many of you probably have big families already, and that's fantastic.  It's such a blessing.  But I want you to go deeper.  Look at those in your life and figure out who your "family" is composed of (yes, I ended a sentence in a preposition and I don't care).  The easiest way to figure this out is this; if you got a huge award at work, who would you call first?  When a boy breaks your heart and you're not quite ready to talk about it but you still want to tell someone, who do you text?  Your "family" is composed of those individuals that have been there to share in every swing of the pendulum, not because blood or law dictates that they should, but because they love you with all their being.

Once you figure out who those individuals are, tell them.  Let them know that they are your family.  Embrace them.  Most importantly, tell them everyday how much you love them.  Even if it's uncomfortable.  Even if you've never said it before.  Say it, and keep saying it everyday.    It's what you do for family.

Dance in the Rain

Pearl of Wisdom # 3

Sometimes life sucks.  There’s no way around it.  Like your mom always said, life isn’t fair. 

Many of you know that my father has dementia and my sister and I are taking care of him.  He lives in assisted living, but we pay all the bills, manage the investments, keep track of his medications and lab work, take him to doctors’ appointments, and so on, and so on.  It’s exhausting.  My sister and I never asked for any of this.  I wasn’t prepared for all that was to come (is anyone?).  My sister handles it with complete confidence and grace.  I’m a total mess.  I’ll never forget the first time he forgot who I was.  It was Christmas Eve 2011 at our church.  I tried to talk to him after the service, but he just looked through me.  He smiled as if to say, “What a nice stranger” then walked away.  Yup sometimes life sucks.

So today life sucks.  It’s grey outside, it’s rainy and gloomy, and I’m stressed to the hilt.  I’m tired of looking up at grey skies, tired of dragging my weary butt to work, tired of my dad’s constant “emergencies”, just tired of being a grown up.  Here’s the thing- We can’t change the overall suckiness of the day.  What we can do, though, is chose to dance in the rain.  Whether you want to take that literally or metaphorically is all up to you. 

I was intending it to be a metaphor today, but God had other plans. I was outside dancing when the clouds opened up and poured rain on me.  See:

I could be pissed.  I could curse God and annoy everyone in my office with my grumbling.  OR I could tuck my phone down into my pocket so that it doesn’t get wet (which would further ruin my day) then dance my little tail off.  Why run for shelter?  I’m already wet.  The proverbial ship has already sailed.  So I chose to dance in the rain.  Quite literally.  It reminded me of a time in college where all my friends just decided to go out and dance in a rainstorm.  No real reason.  Just something to do when you’re 19 and carefree.

When was the last time you danced in the rain?  It doesn’t have to be actual rain.  It could be that time you went on a road trip to Tennessee because someone said, “Do you want to go on a road trip to Tennessee?”  It could be getting all your friends to dress like they’re going to the Oscars then just go eat at a dive restaurant.  Maybe it was the time you got a ‘spur-of-the-moment’ tattoo (which I do NOT recommend but kudos for being adventurous).

Bottom line… When was the last time you stepped outside your box and did something that surprised the crap out of the people who know you?  And why not try stepping out again, this time with a different adventure?  What’s holding you back?  You’re already wet.  Might as well go ahead and dance in the rain.

Helping Hands

Pearl of Wisdom #2

Some days there just isn’t anything you can do to feel better about your appearance.  We all have bad hair days or days where our clothes just don’t fit right.  Sometimes our skin will break out and concealer won’t cover it.  There’s nothing you can do about those things.  But what you CAN do is heal your inside.  Something I have always felt made me feel better inside or out is committing acts of kindness.

Growing up in the Pirrone household, volunteering was part of the deal.  We walked to cure everything from hunger to Multiple Sclerosis.  We collected food and clothing for the needy.  We donated our time to help out various school, church, or community causes.  Then for two weeks every summer my sister and I shipped out with our church youth group to help those in need outside our comfortable little neighborhoods.

This photo is from a trip I took with my church youth group circa 1994.  I’m not in the picture because I’m the one holding the camera (no selfie sticks back in those days).

The camp we were staying at was a summer camp for underprivileged youth in Connecticut (I didn’t even know Connecticut had poor people).  Those summer months were the only times those kids had to just be kids without worrying about the power getting shut off or whether or not they’d have dinner.  Look how happy they are.  We were there renovating the facility to enable it to accommodate more campers.  We were there to change their lives, but they ended up changing ours.  Yeah, it was hard work, but we had so much fun.  Totally worth it.

The great thing about volunteering is that you don’t have to drive to Connecticut to make a difference in someone’s life.  The next time you’re at a drive through, pay for the guy behind you.  Shovel your neighbor’s walkway after a heavy snow.  Every now and then I brush off my neighbor’s car in the winter to save her time in the morning.  Volunteer at your local soup kitchen or tutor children through an after-school program.  It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you do it with a giving heart.  There’s nothing more beautiful than giving of yourself for the betterment of others.  Give it a try and see for yourself.  I promise it'll change your life.

The Green Eyed Monster

I've realized that there's an elephant in the room that I should have addressed right from the start.  Here I am giving you all this 'jazz hands for Jesus' without trying to fix the REAL problem first.  The truth is every fat girl struggles with self-loathing.  Yeah, yeah. I know you 'normals' do as well, but this isn't specifically directed at you right now.

Now, for the rest of you. My home girls.  I know how it feels to walk past a glass window and catch your very large reflection.  I know how it feels to sit down and have every roll that you meticulously tucked into Spanx this morning come bursting out.  Trust me; I want to change that for both of us.  I want with all my heart and soul to take away that feeling.  I try to be a positive voice out there but no matter how loud I scream I won't be able to shout over the constant monologue in your head.  I know this because I spend most moments of my day trying to pacify my own demons.  I can't always seem to help myself, but maybe I can offer up some advice that might help all of you.  I’ll try to send some tidbits of wisdom over the next few days.  I hope it helps.

Pearl of Wisdom # 1:

Social media is bull.  I’ve spent hours poring over my friends’ flawless wedding photos and achingly adorable kid.  I kept thinking I’ve wasted my life because I don’t have all the things they have.  Well now I’m calling bull.  Those Pulitzer worthy wedding photos you’re so jealous of are done by professional photographers with filters and staging and all that stuff.  Not to mention the bride spent no less than 2 hours getting her hair and makeup done.  You can’t compete with that because it’s mostly smoke and mirrors.  Your girlfriends don’t actually look like that on an average day and you know it.

This brings me to those sweet, perfect children.  Trust me, for every calm baby pic mom and dad post; they went through 150 shots of a screaming, squirming, irritated child. Those moms have struggled just to put on matching socks ever since the day their precious little tax deductions arrived, so they definitely don’t have the energy to wrangle toddlers.  Trust me when I say that if you see a smiling, beaming child, chances are it’s because there’s a promise of cookies to come.  Mom and dad are perfectly happy resorting to bribery if that’s what it takes to get their precious blessing to sit still on Nana’s lap.

Now what about all those precious vaca photos?  Ahhh, Beautiful family memories.  Those were in the good old days of station wagons and the license plate game.  We went on tons of family vacations growing up.  Here's one of my sister and I at Disney World meeting Snow White.

I’m telling you from experience, those trips aren’t as rosy as the parents would have you believe.  Dad endured a tiny human kicking the back of his seat all the way across 7 states.  That left it to mom to handle, “She’s touching me!” and “He’s on my side!”  Also, think about it this way, those families are together 24/7 for up to 14 days.  Of all that time, they only dare to share a couple dozen photos.  I invite you to imagine the chaos happening in between each click of the shutter.  I seem to remember bursting into tears and running away 1 second after the photo above was taken. It's all about editing

Now, I'm not saying social media is a totally bad thing.  I've actually gained a lot from it.  Look at me!  I'm talking to all of you on social media!  Huzzah!  But, and this is key, only use social media to ENHANCE your life.  For example, use YouTube to find fun new ways to fit exercise into your life. I HIGHLY recommend checking out Yolanda Rooney's YouTube channel.  I can't do all the exercises she posts, but I can easily modify them to fit my needs.  Yolanda is fun and innovative, not to mention a great cheerleader, and her videos are a great jumping off point in building a fitness plan (no she did not pay me for the plug).

Furthermore, things like Facebook allow us to ACTUALLY keep in touch with all those kids you promised to 'Keep in Touch' with back in the day.  Building a social network, albeit a digital one, provides you with a bigger support network than previous generations could have ever imagined.  That’s especially true for us girls.  No one circles the wagons in times of struggle like girls do.  I remember when I found out that I had cancer and suddenly I was surrounded by more support than I knew what to do with.  It made the whole thing less scary and more manageable.  Suddenly I wasn’t all alone.  It’s a lot easier being sick when you have people by your side.

The bottom line here is, use the internet to your advantage or it will become a detriment.  Do not compare.  All the people you waste time envying have their own private struggles that you can't even imagine.  But it's those struggles that give them (and you) empathy and wisdom to help the next person.  Branch out, make friends, learn from your mistakes, do something to make the world a better place.  Then you’ll have a real reason to love yourself inside and out.

Everybody's Fat Friend

Greetings, friends.  Today I’d like to explore our relationships with others, especially our relationships with ‘normals’.  Thanks to the advent of social media I’ve been able to connect with tons of people, including people I went to school with 20 years ago.

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        Side note: If there are any teenagers out there reading this, let me assure you, it DOES get better. The person you are now in no way, shape, or form resembles who you will become.  What’s better is that the same goes for all the people around you.  I’m now friends with people who bullied me. People I never in a million years thought would speak to me are 'liking' and commenting on my content on various web sites.  They think I’m bright and witty.  Hopefully one or two of them are  reading this right now. 

Anyway, although I know my girlfriends love me very much, there’s still that 16-year-old part of my brain that believes they just keep me around so that they look better in comparison.  Yes, things get better as you grow and mature, but you never completely kill off that part of your brain no matter how much you drink in college.  Here’s a prime example:

This is me and my friend Kelly.  We went to high school together.  She was a cheerleader (big shock).  I was in drama club and color guard.  Take a guess at how many conversations we shared in high school.  The correct answer, of course, is zero.  However, Kelly and I are now friends.  I have her personal cell number and vice versa.  She cared enough to text me on my birthday.  Although she abandoned us for the state of Florida because she does not have a healthy respect for snow, we still communicate and keep in touch.

Now, Kelly is one of the most stunningly beautiful people I’ve ever seen.  Every boy that sees this pic loses his shit because boys are stupid and driven by their penises.  They do not understand that losing their shit over someone else in a photo of YOU might just make you a little hurt and/or self-conscious (boys, please write this down because Lord knows you won’t remember).  Ironically, the same night this picture was taken, Kelly told me about a flaw of hers that makes her very self-conscious.  I’m not going to even mention what that flaw is because I’m not giving it any power.  I’ve already embarrassed her by using this picture (don’t worry, I got her permission in advance) but I’m not going to worsen it by announcing a trivial flaw that she shouldn’t ever worry about because she’s so very beautiful inside and out.  Anyway, she’s sitting there telling me how she thinks she’s ugly and that 16 year-old piece of my brain is saying, “See.  I told you.  She keeps you here so that she seems less ugly.”  Stupid brain.

Fast forward 4 years.  I recently reconnected with someone (not Kelly, but I didn't get the other person's permission, so I won't use her name here) from the past that I didn’t think knew I existed .  No, she knew I existed, I just thought she and her friends had disdain for me.  Once again, 16 year-old brain was wrong.  We talked about life and God and she even invited me to come to church with her and her family.  I got the feeling that her invitation was sincere, so I thought about going.  However, 16 year-old brain won.  It reminded me that this new friend is GORGEOUS and, no matter how sincere she is, she hasn’t seen me in 20 years or else she wouldn’t be caught dead being seen next to me in public.  Once again – stupid brain.  I haven’t met up with my friend yet.  I want to say that eventually 30-something year old brain will win out on this battle and I’ll go see her, but we’ll just have to wait and see.

Now, because I am a big old hypocrite, I’m going to challenge all of you.  Reach out to those people that you’ve always said, “We should get together some time” to and ACTUALLY do it!  Go out, reconnect, have a blast, and try to force yourself not to wonder what the other person is thinking of you.  Your friends won’t ever put you into a box labeled brain, athlete, basket case, princess, or criminal (if you get that reference, 50 bonus points.  If not, get off my blog).  The only box is the one you build around yourself.  My hope is that you’ll enjoy yourself and allow yourself some wide open space to be the unique, beautiful, perfect person that you are.

Dance Like Nobody's Watching

Greetings, friends.  Today I want to inject some silliness into your day.  It’s Friday.  We should be able to cut lose and have fun.  I recommend dancing.  That’s right.  Dancing. 

I work in an office and spend most of my day sitting so a couple of months ago I started walking around the perimeter of my building on my breaks to get some exercise in.  It quickly became a boring chore.  So I started popping my earbuds in and taking some tunes with me during my strolls.  Something to know about me, if I hear a catchy tune, I have to dance.  I know, it sounds embarrassing, and it WAS embarrassing for a long time, but it’s a knee-jerk reaction that I can’t prevent.  Now that I’m old I just don’t care about the court of public opinion.  If I feel like dancing, I’m going to dance.  So now I dance around the building rather than just walk.  It feels amazing and is an even better workout than just walking.

You might be thinking, “But Andrea, I CAN’T dance.”  To that I say ‘Nonsense!’  Technically, I can’t dance, either.  I look like everybody’s fat uncle that takes over the dance floor at weddings with feet stomping and arms flailing.  That’s why I don’t dance in front of mirrors.  I don’t need to see that.  I have enough self-esteem issues as is.  As long as I can’t see myself, I dance.  Feet stomping, arms flailing, dance.  I’m sure I look incredibly stupid, but in my head I’m a sexy beast.  Here’s the best part, apparently people don’t think I’m a total wackjob!  Yesterday I was in the restroom washing my hands when another woman walked in.  She went to enter a stall, but paused and turned to face me.  The conversation went something like this:

Her: Hey, you’re happy dancing girl, aren’t you?

Me: Excuse Me?

Her: We see you sometimes dancing around the building.

Me: (face turning bright red, searching for a rock to hide under) Yeah.  I guess that’s me.

Her: You’re always smiling and lip-synching and having your own little party. You must be the happiest person in the whole state!

Me: Ummm.  Thanks.  I try.

Her: Nice to meet you.  Keep dancing!

Now, I’d like to point out that she never asked for my name.  For her I will always be ‘happy dancing girl’.  Feet stomping, arms flailing, lip-synching like I was Brittany Spears, happy dancing girl.  And I am totally fine with that.

Today’s exercise is simple.  Just dance.  Put on your favorite music and cut a rug.  You don’t have to do it out in the world.  Just push the coffee table out of the way and bust a move.  The dog will look at you funny, but he sniffs other dogs butts, so what does he know about class?  Go crazy.  Sing into your hairbrush if you want to.  However you do it, just move.  This is not about forcing you to exercise.  It’s not meant to feel like a chore.  I just want you to have, in the words of Grey’s Anatomy, a 30-second dance party.  I want you to smile.  I want you to laugh.  I want you to be happy dancing girl if only for a moment.

Fat Shaming

Greetings friends.  The primary goal of this blog is to reassure and build self-confidence in the members of the plus-size community.  However, I also have a secondary goal of showing the ‘normals’ what Life in the Fat Lane is really like for us big girls.  What follows is an example of the kind of thing we deal with on a regular basis.

Last week Playboy model Dani Mathers posted a picture on Snapchat body-shaming a complete stranger.  While in the locker room of her gym, Mathers took a picture of a naked woman showering who was not, as they say, beach-body ready.  Mathers captioned the photo “If I can’t unsee this then you can’t either” and posted it to Snapchat.   She justified her actions by saying she thought she was sending the picture to one person, not the world.  The gym in question, L.A. Fitness, has permanently banned Mathers from all of their facilities and she has been suspended indefinitely from her regular radio show.  Torrents of people flooded her social media accounts with hate messages causing Mathers to delete her Twitter and Snapchat accounts.  The LAPD is now asking the unknown woman to come forward so that they can press criminal charges against Mathers.

It would appear that Mathers’ life is unraveling before her very eyes, and it should.  Body-shaming in not okay.  But the truth is that Mathers is not the first, nor the last, person to use social media to body-shame.  The only reason we’re talking about her is because she has a small element of celebrity.  Every plus-size girl who has had to change in a school locker room has endured shame and fear.  I remember almost failing gym in high school because I would purposefully ‘forget’ my gym clothes in order to avoid the dreaded locker room.  According to a survey done by the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, 81% of 10 year olds are afraid of being fat.  81%.  These are kids in elementary school and they’re already well aware of body-shaming.

I’ve tried to have conversations with my ‘normal’ friends about what it’s like to be obese.  They laugh.  They roll their eyes.  They tell me things like that don’t happen.  They insist I’m exaggerating.  But I’m not.  And I didn’t know how to show them.  I didn’t know until now. 

This exercise is for all you ‘normal’ people out there; first I want you to think of that one feature of your body that you absolutely hate.  Maybe it’s a surgical scar.  Maybe it’s stretch marks from pregnancy.  Whatever it is, focus on that flaw.  Now I want you to picture yourself showering in a public place.  Imagine someone taking a picture of you and posting it online along with a caption criticizing your disgusting flaw.  Imagine the media catching wind of the incident and re-posting your naked picture on every outlet available.  You, naked, in front of the entire world.  Now, imagine that happening to you when you were 16.  Imagine the picture spreading through your school like a virus.  Scary shit, huh?

Fat-shaming is real and it happens every day.  I’m happy to see so many people taking a stand against it since the Dani Mathers scandal broke.  Maybe society is making progress.  But the everyday reality for most of us big girls is very different.  People make snide comments all the time.  Strangers would rather stand on the bus than sit in the empty seat next to you.  Travelers get anxious and annoyed seeing their seat on the plane in next to you.  Strangers stare at you while you eat in public restaurants.  You aren’t allowed to sit in your friend’s foldable camping chairs because you exceed the weight limit.  You try to strike up conversations with cute boys but they just look at you with disgust.  These are all real things that have happened to me.

I think I’ve beleaguered this topic long enough.  I’ve made my point.  For all of you ‘normals’ I just ask that you try to see things from our perspective now and again.  If we don’t feel like going to that party, or we know it would be way too painful to try to talk to that cute boy, please don’t push us.  You may not know what the end result will be, but we do.  We know it all too well.

Public Service Announcement

Greetings friends.  I received some feedback yesterday via FB regarding my blog.  It wasn’t the friendliest message, but I appreciate and encourage any feedback, good or bad.  The person sent the message to me privately so I’ll keep their identity private, but I’d like to respond publicly so that everyone is clear on where I stand and what this blog is all about. 

In a nutshell, the message I received said that I should be ashamed because I’m encouraging people to be fat.  They said that being fat is very unhealthy and dangerous and I shouldn’t be glorifying it.  Allow me to address this complaint. 

  1      .1. Fact: Over 2/3 of adults are considered to be overweight.   Fact: Over 1/3 of adults are considered to be obese.  I didn’t create the obesity epidemic.  It already existed long before I began my blog.  I’m not encouraging anyone to gain a bunch of weight.  If you think I am, then you’ve missed the point entirely. 

     

2.       2.  In my opinion there is a lack of support for individuals who are overweight.  We (the fat people of the world) are shamed and treated with disdain and it’s time for that to stop.  THAT’S the point of my blog.  I’m not glorifying obesity.  I’m just striving to help those who are already overweight to ignore the labels and criticisms that society assigns them.  I want them to find ways to become comfortable in their own skin and learn to love themselves.  

    

      3.Yes, being overweight or obese is unhealthy.  We know.  Us fat people have been told REPEATEDLY by everyone we come in contact with about that dangers of extra weight.  We know.  We get it.  We don’t need outsiders harping on us about a topic that we have become very well acquainted with. 

      

      4.We can’t wave a magic wand or rub a lamp and suddenly be thin.  Losing weight is a very long, very challenging battle.  Personally, I’ve been working with a trainer for almost a year.  I’ve lost some weight; the number isn’t important.  What’s important is the surge in confidence I’ve developed.  I want to share that confidence with others and help them overcome all the bullying and self-loathing.  Yes, it’s been a year and I’m still fat.  But you know something; I learned I don’t need to be thin, or to have the approval of others, to love myself. 

So there you have it.  Some of the goals I’ve set for my blog spelled out.  If you disagree, that’s fine.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  And feel free to leave comments or send me messages on social media.  Like I said, I encourage any feedback.  Thanks for listening.

Picture Perfect

Greetings, friends.  I hope you’re having a fat-tabulous day.  I know I am.  I feel beautiful inside and out and I hope you do, too.  From time to time I’ll share some photos of myself that aren’t exactly flattering to prove I’m okay with myself.  I encourage you to share some of yourselves!  If you don’t feel like sharing, that’s fine.  But I encourage you to at least take pictures of yourself to enjoy privately.  Train yourself to ignore the double chin or the love handles.  Choose instead to look at your eyes.  Appreciate the depth they have.  Look at your hair and its different hues. Look at your smile.  If you’re not smiling, why not?  Celebrate you.  Find that thing about yourself that you really like and remind yourself why you really like it. (p.s. It’s okay if the thing you like is your boobs.  I love my boobs.)  This is me in all my plus size glory:

As I said yesterday, this blog is for all you ‘normals’ too.  Yes, even thin people have things they hate.  Is your nose a little crooked?  Have small boobs?  Maybe there’s a gap between your front teeth.  Whatever the flaw might be, ignore it.  It doesn’t define you.  Find that feature that everyone always compliments you on and focus on it.

The purpose of this exercise is to get all of us to step outside ourselves.  Step out of your body and look at it as a friend or loved one would see you.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a social situation and someone pulls out a camera causing me to flee as quickly as possible.  We shy away from pictures because we didn’t style our hair this morning or we’re not wearing makeup, or we’re in sweatpants.  Now, here comes the hammer of truth so brace yourselves.  THOSE THOUGHT ARE RIDICULOUS.  Your friends and loved ones already see you. They’ve seen you with your hair pulled back, no mascara, wearing your old ratty NKOTB t-shirt.  They see you and think you look so beautiful that the moment should be recorded for posterity.

I recently read an article where a woman shared the fact that she doesn’t have any pictures of herself with her kids.  She rationalizes that she’s not in any pictures because she’s the one behind the camera, but that’s just a put on.  She’s not in any pictures because she’s only slept 28 minutes since they day her first child was born.  She’s not in pictures because her curling iron died during the Clinton administration and she hasn’t had cause to replace it.  She’s not in pictures because her “gym membership” is chasing a three year old around the playground trying to get him to stop eating dirt.  But by the end of the article she realizes that her kids have seen her at her VERY worst and still love her and want pictures with her.  Those pictures will be a gift to her children long after she’s gone.

So, my point here is not to avoid the camera.  Make an effort to record special moments.  Whether you’ve brushed your hair or not, you’ll want to keep those memories.  A very good friend of mine (shout out to Mimi) coined the term “usie” (as opposed to selfie).  Get all your friends together and create a memory worth recording.  Ignore everyone’s frizzy hair, and big thighs, and crooked smiles.  All that’s left is the love and true beauty.

Welcome

Greetings, friends. Welcome to my new, fun, fantastic blog. I'm a little bit of a techno stupid so be patient while I figure this whole thing out.

The reason I decided to set this up, what I hope to achieve, is to inspire and reassure all of you fat girls out there. Fat doesn't define you. It's just another word. I don't care when people call me fat. They might as well be calling me left-handed. I see the word 'fat' as simply an adjective. I'm 5'6", have brown hair, a chicken pox scar above my nose. Oh yeah, I'm also fat.

I'm hoping this will also serve as a guide for all our 'normal' non-fat friends. They like to believe that everyone out there is so supportive and would never say or do anything hurtful. They have no idea. People says kids are cruel but they forget that those cruel kids grow up to be cruel adults. So this is for them, too. To open their eyes as to what us fat girls endure every day.

A lot of what you'll see here will be humorous, but some will be real and hit painfully close to home. I've learned that a person can't get over them self until they first go through them self. That's when shit gets real. I will do my best to stay positive and maybe share some sound advice along the way. I hope you laugh a little, cry a little, and learn to love yourself more each day.