The Green Eyed Monster

I've realized that there's an elephant in the room that I should have addressed right from the start.  Here I am giving you all this 'jazz hands for Jesus' without trying to fix the REAL problem first.  The truth is every fat girl struggles with self-loathing.  Yeah, yeah. I know you 'normals' do as well, but this isn't specifically directed at you right now.

Now, for the rest of you. My home girls.  I know how it feels to walk past a glass window and catch your very large reflection.  I know how it feels to sit down and have every roll that you meticulously tucked into Spanx this morning come bursting out.  Trust me; I want to change that for both of us.  I want with all my heart and soul to take away that feeling.  I try to be a positive voice out there but no matter how loud I scream I won't be able to shout over the constant monologue in your head.  I know this because I spend most moments of my day trying to pacify my own demons.  I can't always seem to help myself, but maybe I can offer up some advice that might help all of you.  I’ll try to send some tidbits of wisdom over the next few days.  I hope it helps.

Pearl of Wisdom # 1:

Social media is bull.  I’ve spent hours poring over my friends’ flawless wedding photos and achingly adorable kid.  I kept thinking I’ve wasted my life because I don’t have all the things they have.  Well now I’m calling bull.  Those Pulitzer worthy wedding photos you’re so jealous of are done by professional photographers with filters and staging and all that stuff.  Not to mention the bride spent no less than 2 hours getting her hair and makeup done.  You can’t compete with that because it’s mostly smoke and mirrors.  Your girlfriends don’t actually look like that on an average day and you know it.

This brings me to those sweet, perfect children.  Trust me, for every calm baby pic mom and dad post; they went through 150 shots of a screaming, squirming, irritated child. Those moms have struggled just to put on matching socks ever since the day their precious little tax deductions arrived, so they definitely don’t have the energy to wrangle toddlers.  Trust me when I say that if you see a smiling, beaming child, chances are it’s because there’s a promise of cookies to come.  Mom and dad are perfectly happy resorting to bribery if that’s what it takes to get their precious blessing to sit still on Nana’s lap.

Now what about all those precious vaca photos?  Ahhh, Beautiful family memories.  Those were in the good old days of station wagons and the license plate game.  We went on tons of family vacations growing up.  Here's one of my sister and I at Disney World meeting Snow White.

I’m telling you from experience, those trips aren’t as rosy as the parents would have you believe.  Dad endured a tiny human kicking the back of his seat all the way across 7 states.  That left it to mom to handle, “She’s touching me!” and “He’s on my side!”  Also, think about it this way, those families are together 24/7 for up to 14 days.  Of all that time, they only dare to share a couple dozen photos.  I invite you to imagine the chaos happening in between each click of the shutter.  I seem to remember bursting into tears and running away 1 second after the photo above was taken. It's all about editing

Now, I'm not saying social media is a totally bad thing.  I've actually gained a lot from it.  Look at me!  I'm talking to all of you on social media!  Huzzah!  But, and this is key, only use social media to ENHANCE your life.  For example, use YouTube to find fun new ways to fit exercise into your life. I HIGHLY recommend checking out Yolanda Rooney's YouTube channel.  I can't do all the exercises she posts, but I can easily modify them to fit my needs.  Yolanda is fun and innovative, not to mention a great cheerleader, and her videos are a great jumping off point in building a fitness plan (no she did not pay me for the plug).

Furthermore, things like Facebook allow us to ACTUALLY keep in touch with all those kids you promised to 'Keep in Touch' with back in the day.  Building a social network, albeit a digital one, provides you with a bigger support network than previous generations could have ever imagined.  That’s especially true for us girls.  No one circles the wagons in times of struggle like girls do.  I remember when I found out that I had cancer and suddenly I was surrounded by more support than I knew what to do with.  It made the whole thing less scary and more manageable.  Suddenly I wasn’t all alone.  It’s a lot easier being sick when you have people by your side.

The bottom line here is, use the internet to your advantage or it will become a detriment.  Do not compare.  All the people you waste time envying have their own private struggles that you can't even imagine.  But it's those struggles that give them (and you) empathy and wisdom to help the next person.  Branch out, make friends, learn from your mistakes, do something to make the world a better place.  Then you’ll have a real reason to love yourself inside and out.