Looking Back

Do you people know how much time goes into finding just the right photo or meme for these posts?  It's cause I love you all so very much.  Recognize.

I heard a song on the radio today that really inspired me.  It's called Dear Younger Me by Mercy Me.  Yeah, it's Christian music, but I think you heathens can groove to it as well.  At first it speaks to the lament of not being able to give your younger self some kind of warning - a head's up of what's to come.  Maybe that could save you some of the heart aches that will define you later in life. Some pain is so deep that we carry it forever.  For example, when I was 10 years old my parents let me watch the movie 'It' based on the Stephen King novel (somebody give them a 'parents of the year' medal).  To this day I am terrified of clowns.  I even have a refrigerator magnet that says "Can't sleep. Clowns will eat me."  Yes, it is awesome, and no, you can't have it.

Other hurts are much more sinister and do so much more lasting damage.  Losing a parent at a young age, being a victim of abuse, witnessing a serious crime; these are all events that leave deep scars on the psyche.  They force you to adopt coping mechanisms that, while serving a purpose at the time, become destructive hindrances in years to come.  I'm still afraid of the dark.  I'm afraid of strangers.  Most importantly, I'm afraid of being alone.  I'm less afraid of death than I am of being alone in this world.

But the song goes on to make a very important point; Changing our past decisions change the person who we are now.  And who we become is something pretty special.  We all start off as a blank slate, but gain battle scars over time that show that we really lived.  Every wrinkle, every line, every stretch mark, every tattoo is a trophy. They each tell a story.  Our own human version of "I was here."

My favorite part of the song is:

Every mountain, every valley
Through each heartache you will see
Every moment brings you closer
To who you were meant to be

So no, for the most part I wouldn't go back and talk to that kid.  Well...I might go back and tell her not to get fat.  And I'd DEFINITELY stop her from watching 'It'.  Other than that I would just hug her tightly and remind her that there will always be people there to help her when the dark moments come.

Which brings me to the meme above.  We're going to fall down.  Both literally and metaphorically.  I have the scars from getting stitches and a prescription for anxiety meds to prove both true.  We can't keep our kids from getting hurt.  The best we can do is to teach them how to recover from the fall.  I think the next time I fall down (I do it so often), I'm going to try jumping up and saying 'Ta-Da!'  It's certainly better than my current super hero catch phrase of, 'Well, fuck.'  Then I'll add it to my wall of accomplishments and try to do better the next time.