Us and Them

Greetings, friends.  I've been thinking a lot about prejudice today.  I realize that I spend a lot of time on here talking about the prejudice that I have experienced.  I don't apologize for that.  Social awareness is one of the reasons I created Life in the Fat Lane to begin with (that and the fact that it's really fun to say Life in the Fat Lane).  What I DO apologize for is coming across as some poor victim that the world has eviscerated and everyone should love me and feel sorry for me.  Screw that jazz.  I'm no victim.  I'm a survivor.  A victim wallows in their misery.  They rest in a pocket of despair and grief that has been carved out for them.  A survivor builds a rope ladder and climbs the heck out. Please understand, I'm not attacking those still trapped in the 'victim' stage.  Anyone who has ever suffered hardship starts off at that checkpoint.  It just takes some longer than others to move on.  Even those who HAVE made it past the 'victim' stage will occasionally backslide.  That's what happened to me yesterday.  I heard terrible jokes made at my expense and I backslid all the way back into my hole.  But I prayed about it and I sought help from others and I reminded myself that other people don't get to define me.  Only I get to do that.

Another thing I feel it's important to interject is that not all prejudice is inherently bad (go with me on this).  There have been times when I have found myself walking alone at night (which is a stupid thing to do and none of you should EVER do it). If I see a man coming towards me, I will probably cross the street or change directions.  Now, I KNOW that there's a 99% chance that the guy is an upstanding citizen and I'm just being a bitch, but I'm okay with that.  I'm thrilled every time I make it home without being raped and/or murdered.  I'm really sorry if it hurt your feelings strange, scary man, but I care a lot more about my feelings than I care about yours.  I think self-preservation is, at times, an acceptable reason to display prejudice. Now if I had yelled something like, 'Stay away, [insert racial slur]! I've got mace!" That would have turned it into a completely different situation.  But, as long as you quietly go about the business of not being raped and/or murdered, you get a pass.

Back to bad prejudice.  Yes, I have experienced a great deal of it.  But I'm sure I could be accused of doling it out as well.  I once made a comment that deeply offended a gay friend of mine.  Granted, I was 17 and incapable of controlling the words that came out of my mouth (heck I'm 37 now and I still can't) but that doesn't make it okay.  First off, you don't make jokes about the LGBTQ community. You just don't.  Period.  They've been persecuted enough.  They deserve safe zones where they can be themselves without being afraid or uncomfortable.  Second, this person was someone I loved as if they were family.  You don't do that shit to family.  Family deserves so much better. That was 19 years ago but I'm still ashamed about it. I don't think the other person even remembers this happening. I'm not sure. We lost touch in college.  If they DO remember and happen to be reading this, I am so very, truly sorry from the bottom of my heart.  Although I still feel shame, I'm somewhat grateful for that mistake. It makes me humble. It reminds me of what words can do. It stops me from saying things that might hurt the people I love.  At least most of the time.

Nonetheless, I'm human. And I make judgments of people based on stereotypes and gut feeling.  For example, my 8 year old nephew wants to play in the NFL when he grows up.  Now, I love my nephew very much. But he's a tall, rail thin, Irish kid from the 'burbs.  It's very hard to tell that adorable, pasty, freckled face that he hasn't suffered enough adversity to make it to the NFL, if you know what I mean. Instead I just tell him that he'll be a great astronaut some day.  Let his mom teach him about racism.

As far as I know I haven't been overtly prejudiced against anyone. I try not to be. I firmly support both Black Lives Matter as well as Blue Lives Matter (I don't understand why people think you have to pick a side). I'm not blind to the fact that I benefit from white privilege, but I try not to go out of my way to milk it for all it's worth (I figure my boobs will gain me more favor than my pasty skin).  I firmly believe that women should be included in the military draft and should be able to serve their country in whatever capacity they desire.  As for my nephew...well...I'm buying that kid an astronomy book.