It's a Sham

There's always an element of fear that you need to work a lot until people get sick and tired of you or finally figure out that you're a fraud after all. -- Ben Stiller

Things gained through unjust fraud are never secure. -- Sophocles

I hate to brag, but I gotta tell you, I’m freaking awesome.  I’m pretty. I’m smart. I’m hilarious. I’m driven. I learn fast and work hard.  I’m not too terrible a writer. Yup.  Pretty freaking awesome.

Now that I’ve said all that I can tell you with complete honesty that I am 100% full of crap.  I’m not that pretty; at least boys don’t seem to think so.  I know enough random facts to convince everyone I’m smart, then I leave before there are follow up questions. I don’t learn quickly at all. I actually struggle with learning new things.  I do work hard, and I am hilarious, but those are just to cover up my litany of inadequacies. The majority of my time is spent feeling like a complete and utter fraud. I honestly thought I was the only one that felt that way until I saw a post on a friend’s page about this very issue. They call it Imposter Syndrome. It’s that feeling where no matter how much you accomplish in life, you still feel like you’re tricking everyone and you’re actually not good at anything. Even on those occasions when I do manage to get things right I feel like it was a matter of luck, not skill.

A while back, long before starting this blog, I started a series of posts on FB titled “Notes to My Younger Self”.   It was intended to be a comical/satirical series about things like missing socks and automatic toilets. Then one day I was feeling particularly insecure and unsure of myself so I decided to write to myself about the problem.  It really helped clear my head of some things. Some of you have already read the following, but for those of you that haven’t, I hope it brings you comfort or maybe just lets you know that someone else feels that way, too. Enjoy.

Dear Young Andrea,
There will be many days in your life that you will feel like an imposter. You're just waiting for the world to discover that all your accomplishments are no more than smoke and mirrors. Please understand, everybody feels that way sometimes. EVERYBODY. No matter how bright and shiny everyone else's lives seem, they all feel uncertain inside.

Now, it's okay to feel that way sometimes. It's normal. But there's something I NEED you to remember so put down the Game Boy and pay attention. You are AMAZING. You put yourself through college. You graduated despite all the roadblocks that got put in your way. You've suffered losses but didn't give up. You've had your heart broken, but you're still out there willing to take a chance on love. You've held onto your faith in a loving God despite what feels like constant adversity. You've survived abuse, accidents, even cancer.

You are not a sham. You are the real deal! You have been forgiven and blessed here on Earth but also (and more importantly) in heaven. People love you! You inspire people! So the next time you feel like a big old fake, read this and know just how special you are.
Love Always.
Older Andrea