To See or Not to See

"I am invisible...simply because people refuse to see me."

-- The Invisible Man, Ralph Waldo Emmerson

Can you imagine being invisible?  Never to have your very existence acknowledged?  It is more than just a painful slight.  It leaves one questioning their validity and worth in this world. Others do not value you, so you simply do not exist in their world.  In youth, children are very vocal about their judgments and condemnation. In adulthood we resort to freezing someone out.  Everyone somehow cumulatively decides to pretend an individual doesn't exit. 

It doesn't seem like that much of a problem.  Everyone in your sphere reaching an unspoken mutual agreement to cast you out. Who needs them anyway, right?  But keep in mind, humans are pack animals.  We require interpersonal relationships within the herd in order to exist. Remove those relationships and you remove the victim's motivation for survival.  In the wild, pack animals will banish those who have misbehaved for varying lengths of time as a punishment for misbehavior. Humans, however, do it simply because an individual is different. It is a cruel, inhumane, lonely existence for those shunned by society.

On the other hand there is the life too closely examined.  For those of us on the fringe of society, too much attention is dangerous. It gives our detractors more ammunition to use against us. You begin to feel as though you were under a microscope with each flaw being pointed at and mocked.  When you add in the threat of cyber bullying the attention can be too much to bear.  There's a line from the movie Pretty Woman that comes to mind.  Julia Roberts tells Richard Gere "The bad stuff is easier to believe."  That is more true than we'd like to believe.  Being invisible makes one question their worth, but being scrutinized tells you that you have none.

I'm not sure that one scenario is necessarily better or worse than the other.  Both leave the individual feeling worthless and hopeless.  I've survived both scenarios and I can't say I enjoyed either one.  I DO know what would have changed those situations for me and it only takes 3 words. "I appreciate you."

We all put so much emphasis on saying 'I love you' to others but I think 'I appreciate you' carries just as much, if not more, weight.  Think about it.  How often do you hear those words? 'I love you' is said so often that it becomes a knee-jerk reaction.  "I love you" followed by "Love you, too."  We say it so often it becomes an automatic response. Instead, try telling someone you appreciate them.  It's definitely not something anyone expects to hear out of the blue.  In three words you both acknowledge someone exists and validate their worth.  I appreciate you.  It's so simple, but so unexpected.  It catches the listener off guard and makes them think a moment on what they've just heard.  It makes them feel special and, yes, even loved.

I encourage you to try it out.  With three words you can make a person feel both less invisible and less scrutinized at the same time. It will change the recipient's perspective of themselves, you, and the relationship you share.  With three words you can change someone's world and, as an added bonus, maybe even your own.